Fan Fiction Rewrite #1

OK, this is the first part of the fan fiction rewrite that I have told you that I was doing back in the month of August. (NOTE: as of 9/01, I was told that this has to be on FanFiction Fridays)

Anyway, the story I’m rewriting is called Harry Potter & The Children of the Red King, which was one of the first stories that I wrote on FanFiction.Net. In it, Harry is upset after the events of “Order of the Phoenix“, so he runs away and ends up going to Bloor‘s Academy. While he is there, he meets Charlie Bone, who takes him on yet another adventure.

Well, I’m not going to waste any time, so I’m going to jump on in with the beginning:

Harry was upset. Very upset. He still couldn’t believe that Sirius was gone. But is Sirius really dead, he thought to himself or am I just imagining things?

On his way home from Hogwarts, Harry found himself apologizing repeatedly to Julia Black. She had been recently revealed as the daughter of Sirius Black. Many people in the wizarding world were shocked. Sirius Black, the wizard who many believed was falsely accused of killing 13 people with a single curse and spent 12 years in Azkaban until he escaped, had been raising a daughter for nearly 16 years. Also shocking was the fact that Sirius had once been married to Jacobine Kalligan, who was the younger sister of Shannon Morgan and Sean Michael. All three had come from the controversial Trichenberg family. The Trichenberg/Black marriage didn’t last because the next year, Jacobine had died when Julia was born. Sirius raised his daughter alone.

“For the last time, Harry, stop apologizing to me,” said Julia for the umpteenth time. She, Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been at this for a while now. “Sirius was my father.”

“But he was my godfather,” Harry shot back. “He was supposed to be protecting me!”

“And he did,” said Ron. “He saved you from Bellatrix Lestrange.”

“Ooooooooooh, the nerve of that woman,” Julia snapped. “I never thought that I’d say this, but I have a score to settle with her!”

“And I’m very sure that you’ll beat her,” said Hermione.

When the train pulled into the station, Harry said goodbye to Ron, Hermione, Julia, and Jacquel, and waited for his uncle. Several minutes passed and Vernon didn’t show up. “Typically Vernon,” Harry muttered to himself. “He doesn’t even care about me at all. Why do I even bother?” Soon, he got up and walked away.

I just can’t do this anymore, Harry thought to himself as he walked around the train station. I just can’t be the hero and watch everyone around me die. He sighed and watched as people got on the trains, or got off them. Then Harry suddenly got an idea. He would run away and never return. If I can’t live a normal life here, he mused, then perhaps I can go find someplace else to go and start over. I just might be able to live a normal life.

Harry smiled as he boarded a train bound for a little-known city. But little did he know that he was about to embark on another adventure…

And now the rewritten version:

Harry was upset. Very upset. He still couldn’t believe that Sirius was gone. He can’t be dead, he muttered to himself. He just can’t be dead! But LIttle did he know that that was the truth. Sirius Black was truly dead.

He then remembered the events that led to this point:

The fight raged in the Department of Mysteries.

Harry Potter found himself dodging curses from Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as he struggled to protect the prophecy from them. The others had taken off, with Jacquel Romanov and Magnus Kroger leading two Death Eaters on a wild goose chase. Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and Ginny Weasley were on the other side of the place.

Luna Lovegood found them and they and Harry ran until they reached a room where the veil was.

Jacquel said, “I really think this wasn’t a good idea.”

“What wasn’t good about it?” said Harry. “Voldemort was torturing Sirius in my vision. I had to go save him.”

“Well, you better have a good plan,” Magnus growled at him.

“Fine,” said Harry. “OK, here’s what we do: Ron, you throw chess pieces at Lucius and call him all sorts of nasty names; Hermione, you throw a book at Bellatrix Lestrange…”

Neville jumped in by saying, “Uh, Harry, I believe that’s my job…”

“Uh, right, Neville,” said Harry. “And as for you, Jacquel…well, you’re next to useless unless you get yourself captured by Fenrir Greyback and then I can go rescue you.”

“Harry, you idiot!” Jacquel cried out in anger. “Are you taking my character and completely remaking it to create “pointless drama” that is completely unnecessary?”

“Well,” said Hermione, “everyone wants to see you as the beautiful girl everyone loves and not be hated for no reason.”

Jacquel stared at all her friends, not believing a word that she was hearing. It seemed that her whole life, people had hated her for no reason. She didn’t seem to mind as a child, but she was nearly 16 years old and quite frankly, she was tired of that crap that she was being handed.

The next words she said would forever change the lives of not only her, but her friends as well: “OK, that’s it! I will NOT be bowing down to no Mary-Sueism! I quit this joint! We are all broken up!”

“What?” cried Ron. “But why?”

“Because I’m tired of the crap that I was being handed over the years, mainly by Dumbledore,” Jacquel snapped. “And you guys just are a bunch of stupid idiots who believe anything HE tells you! I can’t do this anymore!”

“Jacquel, please…” Hermione begged.

“No!” Jacquel snapped. “You wouldn’t believe all the crap that I put up with for all these years, crap about my family that are LIES! I even had to go along with Harry’s schemes and crap.” Harry stared at her with wide green eyes. “And let me tell you something about that…NOT BLOODY PLEASANT!”

Before they knew it, the Death Eaters had burst into the room, along with Sirius Black and several members of the Order of the Phoenix. “I’ll deal with this later,” Jacquel said as she brandished her wand and lunged at Fenrir Greyback.

The others soon followed suit and another big fight raged on. This time, Harry and Sirius were up against Lucius and Bellatrix as the mini duels that surrounded them quickly turned into a huge fight. In a fight with a Death Eater, Jacquel’s wand was cracked clear across the middle; but the spell hadn’t harmed her at all.

“Jacquel!” Harry cried out and tried to assist her, but the Death Eater sent a powerful blast, which imploded Jacquel’s wand and sent her flying across the room, knocking Lucius unconscious. Bellatrix took this opportunity to zap Sirius, who was standing right in front of the veil.

“What are you gonna do?” he taunted. “Zap me?”

“With pleasure,” Bellatrix laughed as she sent a powerful blast that sent Sirius flying through the veil.

Harry turned and gasped as he watched Sirius fall through the veil. He still couldn’t believe that his godfather was gone. He couldn’t believe that Sirius was gone and his last chance at having a family was now gone. He would have to go back to the hated Dursleys.

On his way home from Hogwarts, Harry found himself not speaking to any of his friends. He blamed himself for putting them all in danger. After Sirius’s death, his daughter Julia grew angry with him, blaming him for killing her father. Harry knew that she would never forgive him for destroying the only chance that the Black family could reunite.

“For the last time, Harry, stop apologizing to me,” said Julia for the umpteenth time. She, Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been at this for a while now. “Sirius was my father and you let him die. No amount of apologies will ever make me forgive you for your evil deeds.”

“But he was my godfather,” Harry shot back. “He was supposed to be protecting me!”

“And he did,” said Ron. “He saved you from Bellatrix Lestrange.”

“And that’s another thing I have beef with you over,” Julia snapped. “I may have a score to settle with her, and believe me I do, but YOU…” (she points to Harry) “…are the prime reason why Bellatrix killed my father. I never thought I’d say this, but I wish that she’d kill you and not him! Maybe with you out of the way, we can finally have some peace in this realm!”

At this, Harry was shocked. Julia Black wanted him dead? He couldn’t blame her, seeing as practically everyone and their best friend had treated him like used chewing gum after the knowledgeable Beterli Samson spread a rumor that claimed that Harry Potter himself had killed Cedric Diggory, a rumor that Harry had denied.

Well, sad to say, but it seemed that overnight, he had gone from Boy-Who-Lived to “the Next Dark Lord”. Harry vehemently refused to go down that road; his uncle and aunt would have a fit if he did. And even then, Ron, Hermione, and Jacquel had stuck by him, not wanting to end their friendship with him.

But now, no one was talking to him anymore; not even Jacquel could look him in the eye. It was just like everyone had forgotten about him and his exploits had ever happened.

When the train pulled into the station, Harry sat on a nearby bench and waited for his uncle. He didn’t say anything to anyone. Several minutes passed and Vernon didn’t show up. “Typically Vernon,” Harry muttered to himself. “He doesn’t even care about me at all. Why do I even bother?” Soon, he got up and walked away.

He thought about what Julia had said to him: “Maybe with you out of the way, we can finally have some peace!” He wondered if she was right. Would the wizarding world be able to function without him in the picture?

I just can’t do this anymore, Harry thought to himself as he walked around the train station. I just can’t be the hero and watch everyone around me die. I also can’t have people bashing me because of one person’s death. This isn’t the way that my life should be going. He sighed and watched as people boarded and/or got off the trains. Neither of them noticed him and if they did, they didn’t say anything to him.

Then Harry suddenly got an idea. He would run away and never return. If I can’t live a normal life here, he mused, then perhaps I can go find someplace else to go and start over. I just might be able to live a normal life.

Harry smiled as he prepared to board a train bound for a little-known city. But little did he know that he was about to embark on another adventure…

So, what’s the difference between the two paragraphs?

Well, the first paragraph didn’t leave us with anything, just a tiny fragment of what happened to Sirius and why Harry decided to run away.

Yet the second paragraph gave us a glimpse into what happened to Sirius and how everyone seemed to treat Harry. The passage felt more realistic (and did you think Julia would forgive Harry for her father’s death? I didn’t think so!) and the fact that not too many people want to be around Harry seems to cement the fact that maybe nobody really liked him, just his fame.

Thus we have the trope “maybe if I go away, everyone will be happy“.

So, if Harry did leave, would anyone really miss him? As for the rest of the story, we’ll just have to wait and see.

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